it's a new year.

LAUGHING IS THE BEST

Lets keeping doing that. no exceptions. 

I'll do whatever it takes.

too many worlds

Maybe you're right.

maybe love is just a fantasy of our fantasies.

maybe love is just a combination of fear, sex and want

maybe love distracts us from what we really want

which is... what?

solitude? adventure? independence? enlightenment?

why choose to be so morbid?

why can't we have both?

as you say.. "says who?"

what if i thought you were just afraid.

Thank you.

For showing me what true love looks like,

for allowing me to taste, just slightly, what caring tastes like

Thank you for setting examples for me

even though you're too young- and you're too cliche

and maybe even a little too much like me

but thank you anyway.

i'm sorry you won't ever know this

or read this

or feel this.

but the two of you

together

makes me cry

with jealousy, with love, with admiration

and thank you for that.

really. thank you.

becoming real

when i was little I always thought that one day i would wake up and be an adult. I would just know all of the things that mattered, i would know love and i would know how to live the life that i always wanted. About a year ago i realized that that wasn't really true- you don't just wake up one day with happiness pouring out of you. you just live and with each day you make the path of what you are. the problem is that i know this- but i can't accept it. I just can't believe that no one told me that when i was little.

the point is. today is the day (well its almost tomorrow) to make some changes. if i want to wake up happy for the rest of my life then i have to do something about it. (I'm sorry if you all think i'm crazy and have known this your whole life). it's time to come face to face with what is real- and to laugh and to do something about it.
Key word: Laughing. (seriously- don't forget that part)
changes changes. changes. oh boy.
will i make mistakes? yes
will i forget that i'm on a journey? absolutely
will i really wake up one day happier? who knows
but in the end it doesn't matter- as long as i try. right?

just when I thought my insides and my outsides would never match up- i remembered what laughing felt like. I remembered that everything is possible again. thank you. for reminding me how to be. (and i was so close to becoming a robot. oh boy)

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives i'm not living" - Johnathan Foer

Life is a beautiful thing- so beautiful in fact that i wonder- what my other lives would be like. If i turned left instead of right, if I went there instead of here, if I locked eyes with him and not you. It's a waste to wonder, I know. But all the same, wondering is an adventure.

Trees Sneeze

missing days when wind was just the trees sneezing

and not some geothermal science.

Live a Little Differently

what are we all doing here?

sitting safely in our box rooms- with computers at hand and a fridge full of food.

why do we just sit here when there are millions of people out there who have no food to eat- no clothes to wear- nothing for them to survive. Can we even fathom that?

i know that we are supposed to learn before we can go out and save the world but look at everyone- theyre learning about making money, owning big houses and drinking beer.

what a waste. how unfair humanity is.

i wish we could all just share; coexist.

corny- maybe.

how is keeping others alive corny?

ahh. what a weird day.

i wish we were living differently.

Defense Mechanism

this moment is real.

why is it so hard to remember that? my mind just shuffles through each moment never separating reality from.... the rest

maybe dreaming is a defense mechanism.

for if we were in constant realization of reality then maybe we would never have built this world. or maybe once it would have been built- (consume, waste, consume, waste)- we would have gone insane with out our dreams.

instead we are inside- isolated from the sounds of the wind. building barriers day after day. just barely grasping the edge of our sanity by allowing ourselves to dream- to wonder off away from this isolation.

maybe the one is always stopping us from reaching the other. reality to dream, dream to reality. always stuck in the middle.

curious perhaps?

sometimes when i'm sleeping i dream about her

and how beautiful she was-how calm.

this morning when i woke up she was in my thoughts 
and im not sad thinking about it- 

im happy to know she still exists

Breathe and go slowly.

"the quieter you become the more you are able to hear"