Thank you.

For showing me what true love looks like,

for allowing me to taste, just slightly, what caring tastes like

Thank you for setting examples for me

even though you're too young- and you're too cliche

and maybe even a little too much like me

but thank you anyway.

i'm sorry you won't ever know this

or read this

or feel this.

but the two of you

together

makes me cry

with jealousy, with love, with admiration

and thank you for that.

really. thank you.

becoming real

when i was little I always thought that one day i would wake up and be an adult. I would just know all of the things that mattered, i would know love and i would know how to live the life that i always wanted. About a year ago i realized that that wasn't really true- you don't just wake up one day with happiness pouring out of you. you just live and with each day you make the path of what you are. the problem is that i know this- but i can't accept it. I just can't believe that no one told me that when i was little.

the point is. today is the day (well its almost tomorrow) to make some changes. if i want to wake up happy for the rest of my life then i have to do something about it. (I'm sorry if you all think i'm crazy and have known this your whole life). it's time to come face to face with what is real- and to laugh and to do something about it.
Key word: Laughing. (seriously- don't forget that part)
changes changes. changes. oh boy.
will i make mistakes? yes
will i forget that i'm on a journey? absolutely
will i really wake up one day happier? who knows
but in the end it doesn't matter- as long as i try. right?

just when I thought my insides and my outsides would never match up- i remembered what laughing felt like. I remembered that everything is possible again. thank you. for reminding me how to be. (and i was so close to becoming a robot. oh boy)

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives i'm not living" - Johnathan Foer

Life is a beautiful thing- so beautiful in fact that i wonder- what my other lives would be like. If i turned left instead of right, if I went there instead of here, if I locked eyes with him and not you. It's a waste to wonder, I know. But all the same, wondering is an adventure.

Trees Sneeze

missing days when wind was just the trees sneezing

and not some geothermal science.

Live a Little Differently

what are we all doing here?

sitting safely in our box rooms- with computers at hand and a fridge full of food.

why do we just sit here when there are millions of people out there who have no food to eat- no clothes to wear- nothing for them to survive. Can we even fathom that?

i know that we are supposed to learn before we can go out and save the world but look at everyone- theyre learning about making money, owning big houses and drinking beer.

what a waste. how unfair humanity is.

i wish we could all just share; coexist.

corny- maybe.

how is keeping others alive corny?

ahh. what a weird day.

i wish we were living differently.

Defense Mechanism

this moment is real.

why is it so hard to remember that? my mind just shuffles through each moment never separating reality from.... the rest

maybe dreaming is a defense mechanism.

for if we were in constant realization of reality then maybe we would never have built this world. or maybe once it would have been built- (consume, waste, consume, waste)- we would have gone insane with out our dreams.

instead we are inside- isolated from the sounds of the wind. building barriers day after day. just barely grasping the edge of our sanity by allowing ourselves to dream- to wonder off away from this isolation.

maybe the one is always stopping us from reaching the other. reality to dream, dream to reality. always stuck in the middle.

curious perhaps?

sometimes when i'm sleeping i dream about her

and how beautiful she was-how calm.

this morning when i woke up she was in my thoughts 
and im not sad thinking about it- 

im happy to know she still exists

Breathe and go slowly.

"the quieter you become the more you are able to hear"

We desire change- we demand it.
We ask why? and wonder why things are so beautiful and yet sometimes extremely difficult.
But starting right now... there is no more "struggle"
there is just you and me
we are the ones we have been waiting for.
We must spend time with ourselves- finding compassion for every living thing.

"We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received
wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion....
This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need
for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated
philosophy, doctrine or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple.
The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and
dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need.
So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are
learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some
other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and
conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is
no doubt we will be happy."

~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama ~

Hypocrisy?

amazing how quickly ones mind can change.
yesterday was spent in deep blissful thought
and now... I am unsure of my own existence.

sitting comfortable in a room my eyes are overwhelmed
they stir from the light switch to the chair
i am nothing more than that chair-
i had never said it out loud before.
it has been my dream- to naturally let go of my ego
and today, just now... it might have occurred (for just a second)
but i feel no satisfaction
only emptiness.
my eye lids are damp.
i am powerless.

I feel like a hypocrisy.
i want to feel overwhelming bliss-
i know its there.
hopefully tomorrow it was come out to play.
until then, i will continue on this journey
and do my best to embrace every moment.

Today was beautiful!

Today, the world felt at peace.
As the sun was shinning upon my skin
the wind made the leaves dance jigs
and everyone was full of smiles that radiated around the earth enough times to make it layers thick.
My eyes felt like heaven as they viewed the world around-
what a beautiful place
full of beautiful people.
Although I may not know what each day holds
I am thankful for moments like these
when I am full of wonder
carrying only the purity of life in my thoughts.

I hope that I am forever amazed by this planet.
I never want to forget the days like this-
just thinking about the possibility of trees, bees, flowers, dew in the morning...
it all seems too surreal...
how could our human race be so caught up with ourselves to ignore these things?
I hope that we all find peace within ourselves every now and again
and remember to look up at the sky,
run our fingers over the textured bark of tress,
and most importantly, love each other.

"Love and do what you will."