too many worlds

Maybe you're right.

maybe love is just a fantasy of our fantasies.

maybe love is just a combination of fear, sex and want

maybe love distracts us from what we really want

which is... what?

solitude? adventure? independence? enlightenment?

why choose to be so morbid?

why can't we have both?

as you say.. "says who?"

what if i thought you were just afraid.

Thank you.

For showing me what true love looks like,

for allowing me to taste, just slightly, what caring tastes like

Thank you for setting examples for me

even though you're too young- and you're too cliche

and maybe even a little too much like me

but thank you anyway.

i'm sorry you won't ever know this

or read this

or feel this.

but the two of you

together

makes me cry

with jealousy, with love, with admiration

and thank you for that.

really. thank you.

becoming real

when i was little I always thought that one day i would wake up and be an adult. I would just know all of the things that mattered, i would know love and i would know how to live the life that i always wanted. About a year ago i realized that that wasn't really true- you don't just wake up one day with happiness pouring out of you. you just live and with each day you make the path of what you are. the problem is that i know this- but i can't accept it. I just can't believe that no one told me that when i was little.

the point is. today is the day (well its almost tomorrow) to make some changes. if i want to wake up happy for the rest of my life then i have to do something about it. (I'm sorry if you all think i'm crazy and have known this your whole life). it's time to come face to face with what is real- and to laugh and to do something about it.
Key word: Laughing. (seriously- don't forget that part)
changes changes. changes. oh boy.
will i make mistakes? yes
will i forget that i'm on a journey? absolutely
will i really wake up one day happier? who knows
but in the end it doesn't matter- as long as i try. right?

just when I thought my insides and my outsides would never match up- i remembered what laughing felt like. I remembered that everything is possible again. thank you. for reminding me how to be. (and i was so close to becoming a robot. oh boy)

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives i'm not living" - Johnathan Foer

Life is a beautiful thing- so beautiful in fact that i wonder- what my other lives would be like. If i turned left instead of right, if I went there instead of here, if I locked eyes with him and not you. It's a waste to wonder, I know. But all the same, wondering is an adventure.

Trees Sneeze

missing days when wind was just the trees sneezing

and not some geothermal science.

Live a Little Differently

what are we all doing here?

sitting safely in our box rooms- with computers at hand and a fridge full of food.

why do we just sit here when there are millions of people out there who have no food to eat- no clothes to wear- nothing for them to survive. Can we even fathom that?

i know that we are supposed to learn before we can go out and save the world but look at everyone- theyre learning about making money, owning big houses and drinking beer.

what a waste. how unfair humanity is.

i wish we could all just share; coexist.

corny- maybe.

how is keeping others alive corny?

ahh. what a weird day.

i wish we were living differently.

Defense Mechanism

this moment is real.

why is it so hard to remember that? my mind just shuffles through each moment never separating reality from.... the rest

maybe dreaming is a defense mechanism.

for if we were in constant realization of reality then maybe we would never have built this world. or maybe once it would have been built- (consume, waste, consume, waste)- we would have gone insane with out our dreams.

instead we are inside- isolated from the sounds of the wind. building barriers day after day. just barely grasping the edge of our sanity by allowing ourselves to dream- to wonder off away from this isolation.

maybe the one is always stopping us from reaching the other. reality to dream, dream to reality. always stuck in the middle.

curious perhaps?

sometimes when i'm sleeping i dream about her

and how beautiful she was-how calm.

this morning when i woke up she was in my thoughts 
and im not sad thinking about it- 

im happy to know she still exists

Breathe and go slowly.

"the quieter you become the more you are able to hear"

We desire change- we demand it.
We ask why? and wonder why things are so beautiful and yet sometimes extremely difficult.
But starting right now... there is no more "struggle"
there is just you and me
we are the ones we have been waiting for.
We must spend time with ourselves- finding compassion for every living thing.

"We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received
wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion....
This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need
for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated
philosophy, doctrine or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple.
The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and
dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need.
So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are
learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some
other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and
conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is
no doubt we will be happy."

~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama ~

Hypocrisy?

amazing how quickly ones mind can change.
yesterday was spent in deep blissful thought
and now... I am unsure of my own existence.

sitting comfortable in a room my eyes are overwhelmed
they stir from the light switch to the chair
i am nothing more than that chair-
i had never said it out loud before.
it has been my dream- to naturally let go of my ego
and today, just now... it might have occurred (for just a second)
but i feel no satisfaction
only emptiness.
my eye lids are damp.
i am powerless.

I feel like a hypocrisy.
i want to feel overwhelming bliss-
i know its there.
hopefully tomorrow it was come out to play.
until then, i will continue on this journey
and do my best to embrace every moment.

Today was beautiful!

Today, the world felt at peace.
As the sun was shinning upon my skin
the wind made the leaves dance jigs
and everyone was full of smiles that radiated around the earth enough times to make it layers thick.
My eyes felt like heaven as they viewed the world around-
what a beautiful place
full of beautiful people.
Although I may not know what each day holds
I am thankful for moments like these
when I am full of wonder
carrying only the purity of life in my thoughts.

I hope that I am forever amazed by this planet.
I never want to forget the days like this-
just thinking about the possibility of trees, bees, flowers, dew in the morning...
it all seems too surreal...
how could our human race be so caught up with ourselves to ignore these things?
I hope that we all find peace within ourselves every now and again
and remember to look up at the sky,
run our fingers over the textured bark of tress,
and most importantly, love each other.

"Love and do what you will."

teach compassion.

I am afraid of what we are all becoming
I wonder if I can accomplish having no self and being full at the same time.
Or must I choose a side
pick one future over the other?
I want to go to a place where they teach you compassion
they teach you about laughing and
they teach you how to rub up against warm laundry.
We need a place like that- where people aren't worried about money
war, power, hate, or fighting
where they are just ready to listen and we are ready to return the favor
ready to say thank you
hold the door open.

love.

energy filled red balloons.
nothing to do but run outside & scream.


scream.


Charlyn Marshall is wrong.
(at least this time).

Let's Go Everywhere

"I'm gonna be free.
I'm gonna be brave.
I'm gonna live each day as if it were my last...
Fantastically.
Courageously.
With grace.
And in the dark of the night, and it does get dark,
When I call a name
It'll be your name.

Lets go everywhere
Even though
We're scared
cause it's life
and it's happening,
it's really happening
right now. "

-From the movie "Me, You and Everyone We Know"

mere humans.

just when we've forgotten
the world opens up the sky
and pours feelings upon tree tops.

just when we've lost hope for sunshine
the sun appears and we begin to grow
we are mere wildflowers in a field.

each life a sky full of sacred beams
wind makes your heart flutter.

all of us brought together by the inhale of our souls
one deep breath
releases purity in the air

here we are.
to embrace the day.

night sky

The past few nights the sky has been deeper, eerier, and more beautiful than I have ever imagined. There is something about it that makes me think the sky knows more than I do. It holds so much inside of it I wonder how it hasn't exploded. When I lay under it I imagine it grasping my body, squeezing me so tight that I melt and become part of it. I imagine I would feel free. More free than any human. I want to be the wind, the moons imagination and the stars. i know there is a science to it all but i can't see it that way- it is pure beauty, it is nature, it is the only thing i know is real.

The Sun as Our Witness

It's the way the world was meant to be
skin on skin
no smells of false advertising
the way you breath in my ear
my skin rises
your arms wrap me; fit like a puzzle
return to the beginning of time
each time our lips meet I know that we are Adam and Eve
I imagine us surrounded by mountains, lakes and trees
raw, pure love
just the sun as our witness
i am high in the clouds
your eyes pierce mine; i want them to tear into me, deep into my soul
I am pure psychedelic bliss; no strain in my mind, no thought of my heart beat
we are wild; animals
the way the world was meant to be
pure love, raw passion
we have reached ecstasy

What the World Holds Deep in the Core

what happens when the world is about to end
will we be on mountaintops
singing in the rain
or on our knees
mopping kitchen floors for old men
perhaps laughing softly to ourselves
about the new snickers ad
and to think we will never know
what the world holds
deep in the core
maybe our bodies will fill with warmth
radiate love
glow like sunbeams
glitter like disco balls
when the world ends
we will never know
we will all be there
be gone

Strawberry Spores

one morning on a pop can
there was a village of strawberry spores
(juicy)
one got away in a single drop of rain
it spun
and spun
and spun
like a spiders freshly spun web
bold red
bright red
it spun
perfectly round, was it real?
eyes focus
spinning
crying
all you can do is cry when something is so beautiful
imagine,
all of this on a pop can
in a village of juicy red strawberry spores

the gifts of the world.

The world created itself.
It was beautiful.
It desired to see itself and so it created life.
It gave life two gifts: 1. numbers 2. emotions.
After time, life got so caught up in looking at itself that it forgot to look at the beauty in the world.
Life continues to go on counting numbers and discover solutions (which will be there for eternity)
but it denies the emotions that they were once given to see the world (which is slowly disappearing before our eyes).

Listen

Today when you wake up try to be conscious of when you speak. The world moves so fast that we often feel the urge to speak at all times but really we should be listening. Listen to each word that someone utters to you- process it- think about if you are really there or if you are just waiting to hear yourself. It's time for the world to be a place for each other and not for ones-self. Love everyone you meet and listen to everything you can- let go of hearing yourself and just be.

Mentha x piperita

peppermint-
it washes away my sins
my mind weeps.

rain drops on my eyelids
the door wont open

i dont blame you
i should remember,
how to breathe

When Grandparents say things that make you light up.

old people in the sky
some of their stares make me wonder why
but their lips when they move
they speak words that sound like "coo"
and when i listen, truly listen

i know

that growing old doesn't deplete ones soul
it only makes it grow and grow

Bees rule the world

you laugh

when the bees are gone there is nothing left

you laugh again

the bees
the reason they are so important
they don't know they are
there are not just bees
they rule the world

you are scared

be scared
we do not rule the world

one day

some day

everything will be ours.
the moon, the stars

one day
everyone will know
that their energy is better used
on dirt roads and vinyl records

one day