Wednesday, December 30, 2009

too many worlds

Maybe you're right.
maybe love is just a fantasy of our fantasies.
maybe love is just a combination of fear, sex and want
maybe love distracts us from what we really want
which is... what?
solitude? adventure? independence? enlightenment?
why choose to be so morbid?
why can't we have both?
as you say.. "says who?"
what if i thought you were just afraid.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Thank you.
For showing me what true love looks like,
for allowing me to taste, just slightly, what caring tastes like
Thank you for setting examples for me
even though you're too young- and you're too cliche
and maybe even a little too much like me
but thank you anyway.
i'm sorry you won't ever know this

or read this
or feel this.

but the two of you
together
makes me cry
with jealousy, with love, with admiration
and thank you for that.
really. thank you.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

becoming real


when i was little I always thought that one day i would wake up and be an adult. I would just know all of the things that mattered, i would know love and i would know how to live the life that i always wanted. About a year ago i realized that that wasn't really true- you don't just wake up one day with happiness pouring out of you. you just live and with each day you make the path of what you are. the problem is that i know this- but i can't accept it. I just can't believe that no one told me that when i was little.

the point is. today is the day (well its almost tomorrow) to make some changes. if i want to wake up happy for the rest of my life then i have to do something about it. (I'm sorry if you all think i'm crazy and have known this your whole life). it's time to come face to face with what is real- and to laugh and to do something about it.
Key word: Laughing. (seriously- don't forget that part)
changes changes. changes. oh boy.
will i make mistakes? yes
will i forget that i'm on a journey? absolutely
will i really wake up one day happier? who knows
but in the end it doesn't matter- as long as i try. right?

Thursday, December 10, 2009





just when I thought my insides and my outsides would never match up- i remembered what laughing felt like. I remembered that everything is possible again. thank you. for reminding me how to be. (and i was so close to becoming a robot. oh boy)