too many worlds

Maybe you're right.

maybe love is just a fantasy of our fantasies.

maybe love is just a combination of fear, sex and want

maybe love distracts us from what we really want

which is... what?

solitude? adventure? independence? enlightenment?

why choose to be so morbid?

why can't we have both?

as you say.. "says who?"

what if i thought you were just afraid.

Thank you.

For showing me what true love looks like,

for allowing me to taste, just slightly, what caring tastes like

Thank you for setting examples for me

even though you're too young- and you're too cliche

and maybe even a little too much like me

but thank you anyway.

i'm sorry you won't ever know this

or read this

or feel this.

but the two of you

together

makes me cry

with jealousy, with love, with admiration

and thank you for that.

really. thank you.

becoming real

when i was little I always thought that one day i would wake up and be an adult. I would just know all of the things that mattered, i would know love and i would know how to live the life that i always wanted. About a year ago i realized that that wasn't really true- you don't just wake up one day with happiness pouring out of you. you just live and with each day you make the path of what you are. the problem is that i know this- but i can't accept it. I just can't believe that no one told me that when i was little.

the point is. today is the day (well its almost tomorrow) to make some changes. if i want to wake up happy for the rest of my life then i have to do something about it. (I'm sorry if you all think i'm crazy and have known this your whole life). it's time to come face to face with what is real- and to laugh and to do something about it.
Key word: Laughing. (seriously- don't forget that part)
changes changes. changes. oh boy.
will i make mistakes? yes
will i forget that i'm on a journey? absolutely
will i really wake up one day happier? who knows
but in the end it doesn't matter- as long as i try. right?

just when I thought my insides and my outsides would never match up- i remembered what laughing felt like. I remembered that everything is possible again. thank you. for reminding me how to be. (and i was so close to becoming a robot. oh boy)